Rock of Love Charm School vs. Playboy Mansion

It’s sometimes not easy to explain the differences between one Reality TV show and another, even when the differences are obvious.  Side by side, here’s a look at two shows that couldn’t be more different, yet are strangely similar:

Rock of Love Charm School vs. Playboy Mansion’s Girls Next Door

Charm School Cast Dressed in Uniform

1) Bitches in Heat vs. Bunnies in Love

2) Fuchsia Highlights vs. Pampered Peroxide

3) Sharon Osbourne, Headmistress  vs. Hugh Hefner, Headmaster

4) Charm School Pins vs. Playboy Bunny Diamond Necklaces

5) One Girl Eliminated Each Week vs. One (or more) Girls Move in Each Week

6) Censored language vs. Pixilated Body Parts

7) Competition for $100,000 Prize vs. Share Million Dollar Enterprise

The Girls Next Door Share the Love at the Playboy Mansion

8) Bret Michael’s Former Girlfriends vs. Hugh Hefner’s Past, Present,and Future Girlfriends

9) Learn New 10 Commandments vs. Live By The Golden Rule

10) Former Strippers vs. Former Hooters Girls

Although The Girls Next Door have moved on, and “random-ass hoe’s” have moved in, according to Kendra Wilkinson in an interview with Chelsea Handler, viewers will be able to reunite with their favorite Charm School girls on “Rock of Love Bus” premiering January 4th on VH1.

Pj

Why is Kenley still sewing? {Project Runway}

I more than a little bit baffled as to why Kenley was not sent home over Suade on last night’s episode of Project Runway.  Yes, Suade has been in the bottom two twice, but then Kelli was sent home (in my opinion, too early) without having been the bottom two before the night she was “outed.”  OK Suade’s outfit was “boring,” for a “Rock and Roll” aesthetic, but it was well sewn, and an outfit that is “well executed” (in Nina Garcia’s words) usually wins over the poorly sewn garment.  Remember when Angela kessler’s “streetwalker” (according to guest judge, Ivanka Trump) creation beat out Katherine Gerdes’s simple green dress during the man’s best friend challenge on Season Three?  If Vera Wang hadn’t raved about Angela’s skirt being “beautifully sewn,”  I think Angela would have been out that evening.  And then there was Santino Rice’s dog-doo brown jump suit he had made for Kara Janx.  Although the sleeve fell apart at the shoulder on stage, the guest judge thought the

Don't get "snarky" with Tim!

outfit was original.  But last night, guest judge L L Cool J didn’t get Kenley’s idea of hip-hop at all, so what saved her? Kenley showed that she can not sew a pair of pants; she even said in her interview that her line is “dresses.”  Kenley does Kenley-type clothes well, but the same could be said for the signature looks of several eliminated designers: Stella and her “leatha,” Terri and her pant-suit separates, Keith and his “shredded wear.”  A finalist on Project Runway should be able to versify his or her signature look in a runway collection.  I don’t think Kenley is headed in that direction–and being the first designer on Project Runway to make Tim Gunn feel “snarky” doesn’t help, either.  I can hear Blayne shouting from a tanning booth in Yakima, WA: “Kenley’s just snarklishous!”  Kenely did look amazing as a pop-star last night; her outfit overshadowed her defensive attitude.  Maybe that’s why she still sewing.

PJ

Pam Anderson lets loose on her own reality tv show

Pam Anderson might not be a young beauty, but who cares? Her new reality show, Pam:Girl on the Loose has a little bit of everything. Anderson has managed to cover all of the reality tv basics in the first two episodes. She introduces her staff (cook, assistant, etc.), cooks with her mom, jets off to Vegas with ex-husband Tommy Lee for Hugh Hefner‘s birthday celebration, visits the Playboy mansion, poses for a “fashion shoot” in the nude, and sells off all her worldly possessions at a yard sale to raise money for PETA. These snippets of her life are narrated by Pam from her bathtub and if you you don’t understand what she is saying, she draws little pictures and doodles on the screen–kind of like Blues Clues. I don’t think I can take an entire season of Girl on the Loose, but the first two episodes had a few poignant and humorous moments. Pam goes to Camp Pendleton to help MC a USO show. Riding in a golf cart with Kathy Griffin to the stage Pam asks: Is ZZ Top here?

Kathy:Yes.

Pam: Are any of my ex husbands here?

Kathy: Let me think….no.

Although Pam says she is against war, she reveals that one of her sons loves the Military Channel and appreciates everything the troops are doing. She said that she took him to an Army-Navy Surplus Store and they brought rations and her son cooked dinner from these rations. Obviously she supports his creativity.

Pam sense of humor about herself is refreshing, but if she really wanted to let loose, she would walk around the house without make-up.

PJ

Diddy For President! {I Want to Work for Diddy: The Man, the Myth}

The preview episode for Diddy‘s (aka Sean Combs formerly known as P. Diddy, formerly known as Puff Daddy) latest reality tv show I Want to Work for Diddy: The Man, the Myth reminded me a lot of a presidential campaign–with one exception: I understand what Diddy is talking about. Diddy presents himself as a no-nonsense boss that can get things done. I’m not saying that Diddy can navigate domestic and international political waters, but I haven’t heard much from either Senator McCain nor Senator Obama about what they plan to do. It’s always about what they believe–the rhetoric of beliefs. That said, the upcoming National Conventions will be pretty boring. (Exception: How is Hillary Clinton going to ask the Democratic Party to support Senator Obama when she argued so vehemently against him? Stay tuned!) Here are some quotes from Diddy that would liven up the conventions:

It’s a hard mother f****ing job, but somebody’s got to do it.

To succeed in anything in life you need a vision. If you can’t see the forest through the trees, you need to chop them mother f****ers down.

If you gave it you’re all, that’s the kind of performance I judge. I judge your heart. You got to go hard or go home.

I want my dreams to come true, but not in a selfish way. I want other people’s dreams to come true, too.

Sleep is forbidden. When I’m working, I’m a machine and I don’t look at other people like they are human.

You got to be able to make a way out of no way.

I sometimes feel sorry for people that don’t work for me, ‘cuz I know they not be having as much fun.

PJ

Future network change looms over Project Runway

I miss the more serene Heidi

The first two episodes of Season Five of Project Runway are over and already Heidi Klum looks a little tired. The usual perky, fashionably dressed and impeccably styled host and executive producer appears a little too thin and stressed out. Season 5 has a trying-too-hard-to-live-up-to-past-season’s vibe; the format is the same, but you can tell things have changed. This will be the last season aired on Bravo TV. Season 6 will be aired on the Lifetime Network and produced in LA (supposedly the geographical change works out better for Klum). Will the New York based supporting cast follow Klum? I can’t imagine Project Runway without Nina Garcia, Michael Kors, or especially Tim Gunn. Will the ultimate prize still be a runway show at Bryant Park? NYC is the perfect backdrop for fashion designers–can LA live up to it? I would love to see previous LA based designers Kara Saun, Santino Rice, and Jeffery Sebelia make appearances. What I’m afraid of is that the show will pander to the Red Carpet culture rather than fashion editors. Also, isn’t Lifetime “television for women?” Since when did Project Runway become a show “for women?”

As for the first two episodes: no one has stepped forward as the official a-hole, yet. In my opinion, two talented designers have been sent home already. I really thought Blayne would be the first one out with his walking Depends Undergarment creation, but Blayne is a “character.” He reminds me of Kato Kaelin’s gay cousin. In the last episode he called Heidi “Darth Vader” because she dressed in black. (Heidi had called Blayne’s diaper-chic “butt ugly”–ouch). But then Blayne changed his mind and called Heidi “Darth-licious” in a manner that evoked the spirit of the great Christian Siriano. Also, guest judge Natalie Portman plugged her new vegan shoe line. I’ve been buying “vegan shoes” for years at Payless. I’m so ahead of my time.

Kato or Blayne?

PJ

Artist’s achieves American Dream on Groomer Has It

Artist (top left) wins over tough competition

Artist Knox became the first to win title Groomer of the Year on Animal Planet’s Groomer Has It. The final challenge was was a 10 hour marathon grooming session where Artist and Jonathan had to groom 7 dogs, one from each of the AKC’s groups: Sporting, Non-Sporting, Working, Herding, Toy, Hound, and Terrier. As usual, there was not an even playing field as the dogs were chosen for the groomers “at random” (with the exception of the first dog whom Artist got to pick). Although the final judging was set up to look like a dog show ring, Artist and Jonathan didn’t necessarily have to do “show cuts.” Judge Vinny taught me the new term “pet groom” as in, “The dog looks OK for a pet groom.” Artist and Jonathan both received help from Kathleen and Will. It was nice to see that Kathleen could be happy in a non dominatrix role, and it was fun to see Will annoy Jonathan. One of the highlights of the finale was to see Jonathan and Artist reunited with their loved ones (dogs included). I think what did Jonathan in was his dirty Labrador Retriever.

I really enjoyed the pre-view show which included a little “pop-up” Nemo who gave background info. Nemo always looked like such a well trained Yorkie, but lo and behold, Jai’s little pooch is not potty trained. Nemo also had an assistant who I hope was paid well. The never-been-seen-before scenes were funny. My instincts about the judges were right Vinny and Doc can’t stand each other. In one scene, they stopped rolling because of a noise that sounded like a helicopter, to which Vinny remarked, “There’s your broom” to Doc. Also, Jai is a scripted host, so scripted that at one point, he forgot the line “groomer of the year.”

I started watching this show because it was entertaining, but I also ended up learning a lot, too. I’ll definetly be back for season two!

PJ

“They shall not grow old…” {Memorial Day}

They shall grow not old

As we that are left grow old

Age shall not weary them

Nor the years condemn

At the going down of the sun.

And in the morning

We shall remember them.

By: Laurence Binyon

A Poem for Memorial Day by Walt Whitman

COME UP FROM THE FIELDS, FATHER Walt Whitman

Come up from the fields, father, here’s a letter from our Pete, And come to the front door, mother, here’s a letter from thy dear son. Lo, ’tis autumn, Lo, where the trees, deeper green, yellower and redder, Cool and sweeten Ohio’s villages with leaves fluttering in the moderate wind, Where apples ripe in the orchards hang and grapes on the trellis’d vines, (Smell you the smell of the grapes on the vines? Smell you the buckwheat where the bees were lately buzzing?) Above all, lo, the sky so calm, so transparent after the rain, and with wondrous clouds, Below too, all calm, all vital and beautiful, and the farm prospers well. Down in the fields all prospers well, But now from the fields come, father, come at the daughter’s call, And come to the entry, mother, to the front door come right away. Fast as she can she hurries, something ominous, her steps trembling, She does not tarry to smooth her hair nor adjust her cap. Open the envelope quickly, 0 this is not our son’s writing, yet his name is sign’d, 0 a strange hand writes for our dear son, 0 stricken mother’s soul! All swims before her eyes, flashes with black, she catches the main words only, Sentences broken, gunshot wound in the breast, cavalry skirmish, taken to hospital, At present low, but will soon be better. Ah, now the single figure to me, Amid all teeming and wealthy Ohio with all its cities and farms, Sickly white in the face and dull in the head, very faint, By the jamb of a door leans. Grieve not so, dear mother (the just-grown daughter speaks through her sobs, The little sisters huddle around speechless and dismay’d), See, dearest mother, the letter says Pete will soon be better. Alas, poor boy, he will never be better (nor maybe needs to be better, that brave and simple soul), While they stand at home at the door he is dead already, The only son is dead. But the mother needs to be better, She with thin form presently drest in black, By day her meals untouch’d, then at night fitfully sleeping, often waking, In the midnight waking, weeping, longing with one deep longing, 0 that she might withdraw unnoticed, silent from life escape and withdraw, To follow, to seek, to be with her dear dead son.

RETURN TO POEMS AND SONGS OF THE CIVIL WAR PAGE

Commercial Break {Poetry}

Every so often, I will write a post that has nothing to do with a particular TV show…we all need a break from our routines once in awhile. Here is a poem by Tim Seibles, whom I met a few years ago at a poetry reading. I remember Tim telling me “poetry is bread.” Comparatively, sometimes TV can have the same effect as “junk food.” Read on:

Commercial Break: Road-Runner, Uneasy

If I didn’t know better I’d say
the sun never moved ever,

that somebody just pasted it there
and said the hell with it,

but that’s impossible.
After awhile you have to give up

those conspiracy theories.
I get the big picture. I mean,

how big can the picture be?
I actually think it’s kind of funny —

that damn coyote always scheming,
always licking his skinny chops

and me, pure speed, the object of all
his hunger, the everything he needs —

talk about impossible, talk about
the grass is always greener…

I am the other side of the fence.

You’ve got to wonder, at least a little,
if this could be a set-up:

with all the running I do —
the desert, the canyons, the hillsides, the desert —

all this open road has got to
lead somewhere else. I mean,

that’s what freedom’s all about, right?
Ending up where you want to be.

I used to think it was funny — Roadrunner
the coyote’s after you Roadrunner…

Now I’m mainly tired. Not that
you’d ever know. I mean

I can still make the horizon
in two shakes of a snake’s tongue,

but it never gets easier out here, alone
with Mr. Big Teeth and his ACME supplies:

leg muscle vitamins, tiger traps,
instant tornado seeds.

C’mon! I’m no tiger.
And who’s making all this stuff?

I can’t help being a little uneasy.
I do one of my tricks,

a rock-scorching, razor turn at 600 miles an hour,
and he falls off the cliff, the coyote —

he really falls: I see the small explosion,
his body slamming into dry dirt

so far down in the canyon
the river looks like a crayon doodle.

That has to hurt, right?
Five seconds later, he’s just up the highway

hoisting a huge anvil
above a little, yellow dish of bird feed —

like I don’t see what’s goin’ on. C’mon!

You know how sometimes, even though you’re
very serious about the things you do,

it seems like, secretly, there’s a
big joke being played,

and you’re part of what
someone else is laughing at — only

you can’t prove it, so you
keep sweating and believing in

your career, as if that
makes the difference, as if somehow

playing along isn’t really

playing along as long as you’re
not sure what sort of fool

you’re being turned into, especially
if you’re giving it one-hundred percent.

So, when I see dynamite
tucked under the ACME road-runner cupcakes,

as long as I don’t wonder why my safety
isn’t coming first in this situation,

as long as I don’t think me
and the coyote are actually

working for the same people,

as long as I eat and

get away I’m not really stupid,

right? I’m just fast.

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First published in Leaving House Poetry, Volume I
Also by Tim Seibles: Trying for Fire and Kerosene

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Hell’s Kitchen’s “donkeys” and “darlings” finally succeed!

Chefs competing in Hell’s Kitchen are hazed, harassed, and verbally hammered by Chef Ramsey and this week succeeded at completing their first dinner service. Then men (who Ramsey insults by calling them “donkeys”) served up their own drama complete with tears, temper tantrums, and moments of pouty-lipped whining. Ben was mortally offended by Louross, accusing him of “being a little BEEP.” After the men lost the gourmet pizza making challenge, Louross put a towel over his head and paced around the kitchen weeping. Ben has become a little paranoid, claiming that Chef Ramsey hates him. (Wah). Ramsey drives home the point by making Ben deliver pizzas in a wobbly delivery truck. The men’s team would have fared much better if they focused more on the task at hand and less on assigning blame and conjugating the F word. Matt, in particular, had the worst time, pleading (like a little BEEP) for his team to work together. The team repaid him by nominating him to be sent home. In a hilarious moment, Matt rescued a charred beef wellington by slicing off the top layer and exposing the tender meat inside. Unknowingly, Ramsey accepted the dish as up to his standards and sent it out to the diners. An amused Louross exclaimed, “That was the most ghetto-est kitchen move I ever saw!” The drama-free women’s team soared through this weeks challenges, prompting Ramsey to call them”darlings” ten times more than usual. Unfortunately, Vanessa had to leave the show because her severely burned hand prevented her from cooking. She went up to Ramsey’s “office” to deliver the news, an office that looked like a bat-cave. What does Ramsey do up there, anyway? To reward the contestants for their successful dinner service, Chef Ramsey decided not to send anyone home. I hope the chefs are awake enough talk to eachother next week— otherwise the BEEP will BEEP, BEEEEEEP. —PJ