Chef Matty’s in heaven on Hell’s Kitchen

May 14, 2008

Chef Matt Sigel soared high above Hell’s Kitchen this week, far from the the Blue Team and Wrath of Ben. After beating Ben in a blind taste test challenge and securing a win for the Red Team, Matt thoroughly enjoyed watching Ben, “getting his ass kicked tonight.” Matt did not hold back his comments: “You can’t cook, buddy” and “I love it when Karma bites you in the ass.” Matt was proud that Ramsey said his risotto was “the best risotto ever served in Hell’s Kitchen.” But Matt couldn’t have been happier when Chef Ramsey found out that Ben didn’t have the lamb ready:

Ramsey: What’s on that ticket? Come on!

Ben: 6:30

Ramsey: What time is it now?

Ben: 8:00

What were they doing for an hour and a half? The Blue Team couldn’t get it together, and aside from Louross working hard at the salad station, Ramsey watched the rest of the men go down in flames. Ben didn’t help by telling Ramsey he “couldn’t work in this system”; ironic because it was Ben who spearheaded the men’s system of incompetence.

I give the guests on the Blue side a lot of credit for their patience and tolerance. Some walked out the door, but one women broke out a Breakfast Bar and remarked, “This is really embarrassing, you know? I don’t want to have to eat a snack at a restaurant.”

In the end, neither kitchen completed their dinner service, but it was the men’s team who lost. Ben continued scheming by asking everyone to nominate themselves. This strategy worked for Petrozza whose “level of maturity” won praise from Ramsey, but it backfired on Ben and he was sent home.

Meanwhile, Ramsey asked someone from the Red Team to volunteer to move over to the blue team for the next challenge. Corey wants Matt to return; she’s been gunning for Matt since he switched teams. During the Red Team’s reward (spa treatments), she openly told Matt, “You’re the next to go.” But Matt didn’t let Corey get to him; from under his chocolate face-mask and cucumber slices, he reminded her that it was he who helped them win. Then he told the women (strategically, I think) that he only cared if Ben went home first. No one enjoyed the spa treatments more than Matt who was even served iced tea by Ben.

This week Jen and Rosann both faltered during the dinner service, but Ramsey singled out Jen to receive his Navy Seal training techniques. Jen was dumbfounded and went through a whole range of emotions, but her funniest comment was: “Chef Ramsey, he got it out for me. He supposedly likes vocal people. He want a leader, he wants somebody to stand down. Now I guess he on his period or whatever today, so he gets pissed off at me when I try to be vocal and be the leader.”

(Above: The drama continues with chefs Matt, Corey, & Jen)

PJ


Dr. Phil offers more home-spun advice for feuding family members

May 12, 2008

I enjoy family feud episodes like today’s Sister in Law from Hell because Dr. Phil is really in his element. Guests whip themselves into a Jerry Springer-esque frenzy and Dr. Phil turns down the volume with rhetorical questions like: Do I look stupid to you? No seriously, did someone tell you I wasn’t very smart? I’ve yet to see someone reply, “Actually Dr. Phil, I met 10 people waiting in line this morning who said you weren’t very smart.” But no one ever acts defiant; individual family members are too busy justifying their own point of view. In-law strife episodes have been cloned hundreds of times with different families, but there was so much animosity between today’s family, I think Dr. Phil could not afford the liability of tossing them into “The Dr. Phil House” and letting nature take its course. Dr. P made it clear that if they sit on his stage, they become his “teaching tools.” So what is the difference between a teaching tool and a guinea pig?

Bottom line: No single person is the the only cause of family chaos. Take ownership of your role in creating the drama and kicking up the rhetoric.

Dr. Phil-ism: I tell ya’ if insight was lard, I couldn’t drink a skillet out of the whole bunch. Translation please?

PJ


Malissa loses cat fight {Groomer Has It}

May 11, 2008

I really want to like Malissa, but on Groomer Has It this week, she made it difficult for me to take her seriously. After telling us that she knows the difference between stuffed animals and real animals, she actually managed to get “bitten” by a stuffed German Sheppard. Later she said she had a “seventh sense,” realizing later that there are only 5 senses. The worst mistake was cutting off a cat’s whiskers after a judge told the groomers specifically “do not scissor the face or cut the whiskers.” That’s actually a mean thing to do because cats use their whiskers to judge distances. So Malissa went home. It was no contest between Malissa and Artist, who ended up at the bottom because he lost confidence when his cat “boo-booed three times; three times it put chocolate truffles on my table.” Mean Kathleen said that Malissa “is an insult to my gender,” but Kathleen is not impressive when it comes to her interpersonal skills (although she won “best in show” this week for cat grooming). Kathleen impressed the judges by knowing her role in the process: “I am her (the cat’s) servant, I am not her friend.” OK, but I wouldn’t claim cat worshiping as a credit to our gender, either.

What’s the difference between grooming a cat vs a dog? According to Jorge, dogs want to please you, but with a cat, “you have to please them…basically, they’re like a woman; you have to tell them what they want to hear, and they’ll work with you.” Jessica, the resident cat groomer, also had a difficult time with her cat. Earlier Jessica had begun to show claws in her personality, prompting Jorge to say, “I would like to put a muzzle on Jessica.”

Last week I wondered what CPR had to do with dog grooming, but this week I learned that a good groomer needs to know basic animal first aid in case of an emergency. The groomers had some pretty funny things to say before the Quick Sniff Challenge (performing 3 different types of first aid on three different dogs–2 stuffed animals and a CPR dog).

Jon: The CPR dog looked kind of like a stuffed-bear-sloth-creature. It needed a brushing.

Will: That CPR dog was crazy looking…I’m not putting my mouth on that thing, no way girlfriend.

Jorge: I had given a little Yorkie CPR and he had the worst breath.

Artist: You can’t be walking around with your scissors in your hand saying ‘I can give a Continental Cut like nobody’s business’…you’ve got to be solid.

Next week: Chow-Chow Challenge


Tom Cruise seeks Oprah to help America forget “The Couch”

May 10, 2008

What prompted Tom Cruise to emerge from his million dollar bunker in Colarado and talk to Oprah? The Couch. I believe Tom wants us to forget all about The Couch, not just move on, but erase it from our memory. But it’s Cruise who can’t let it go; he could go on Oprah 100 more times and the backlash from The Couch will still haunt him. Cruise, in my opinion, is a big control freak who lacks a sense of humor! He doesn’t want the couch-jumping-episode to be his legacy. On his own couch in Colorado, he told Oprah “it was a moment.” It just kills Cruise that people have remembered and mocked his TV appearances. Tom Cruise is a man who wants to be taken seriously. Unfortunately (for him), when left unscripted, he’s hilarious because he takes himself too seriously. I think what prompted these latest reappearances is that the tabloid press continues to print and reprint the real and imagined details of his marriage to Katie Holmes. Tom and Katie try to rebut these stories by plastering themselves all over magazines of their choosing; they want what J Lo and M Anthony have: a mainstream (of sorts) magazine who visits by appointment and takes carefully choreographed photos of the their family acting normal. But it’s too late now because Tom has become official fodder for the tabloid press. So whatever actions he takes, there will be an equal reaction/backlash from the tabloids and the blogs and the YouTube crowd. So Tom better hurry up and make another movie–he is a talented actor, in my opinion, as well as a talented film producer. We need to see more of Tom doing what he does best on camera—acting, not interviewing.

As for that darn couch? If Oprah wants to get Cruise, she’ll auction off The Couch on one of her shows. Why would she want to get back at Cruise? Well, he didn’t invite her to his wedding. He invited Brooke Shields (after she went on Oprah to rebut what Tom said about her). Oprah allegedly sent him a note saying she’d be out of town on the weekend of Cruise’s wedding once she heard that the invitations were sent out! But Cruise, ever mindful of his image, didn’t want to allign himself with Oprah and her couch. You’ve got to feel sorry for The Couch–it’s become an innocent victim in this sorted ordeal! The Smithsonion Institution has a collection of famous TV furniture (Archie and Edith’s armchairs from All in the Family, for example) and I’m sure that they’ll be asking Oprah to donate The Couch. What she does when that happens will reveal a lot about Oprah and her alliances. I’ll write more about Oprah some other time, but meanwhile, here’s what all the hoopla’s been about.

The following links will take you right into YouTube. I neither created nor posted these videos on YouTube, I just thought they best showed off Tom’s wacky “moments” in TV history. The first one has been edited and sped up by it’s creator for laughs!Video of the famous “Couch Episode”

Next is a short video of Tom’s views on medication and psychiatry in an interview with The Today Show’s Matt Lauer. It has been shortened by its editor to highlight Cruise’s intensity.

Another time, Cruise went on television to explain the Church of Scientology. In this single appearance, Tom managed to make himself and Scientology look strange and scary at the same time. Remakes of this interview got really weird: See this Video parody of Tom Cruise’s commitment to Scientology and decide for yourself.

Personally, I don’t think we can forget about The Couch. For me it represents one of the reasons Amercia is a fun place to live! Lighten up, Tom.

Your Fan,

PJ


Dr. Phil reveals he’s “as flexible as a rubber hose”

May 2, 2008

Based on the title of today’s episode, Cougar Craze, I expected Dr. Phil to set the women’s movement back a few years by making the guests look desperate and needy. But Dr. Phil was more worried about the women marginalizing his age group by choosing to dive into a dating pool full of men under 30. Attractive and articulate women over 45 claim that older men “have pot bellies and are rigid and set in their ways.” The show took a bizarre twist when Dr. Phil jumped off his high chair (literally, because today everyone was seated on high wooden chairs facing the audience), unbuttoned his sport coat and said, “I don’t have a pot belly.” The audience breathed a sigh of relief when Dr. P hopped back upon his perch and didn’t remove any more clothing. Then Dr. P said, “I’m as flexible as a rubber hose!” to which the audience of women responded with a resounding, “Oh no he didn’t!” An embarrassed Robin McGraw stood up and gushed, “I’m leaving.” Dr. Phil: “I didn’t mean it like that! Right. The director made the right choice when staging this episode. The guests were seated next to, not around Dr. Phil like they needed therapy, and Dr. Phil sat poised to lead a discussion, rather than give advice. Dr. Phil’s bottom line was: “Age should not be a deal-breaker if you both have the same mind set.” It was an entertaining show and for a minute I thought Dr. Phil might stand up on his chair and beat his chest with his fists, gorilla-style. Maybe that footage will appear on the Dr. Phil Uncensored page.

Have a good weekend,

PJ


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