Diddy For President! {I Want to Work for Diddy: The Man, the Myth}

August 1, 2008

The preview episode for Diddy‘s (aka Sean Combs formerly known as P. Diddy, formerly known as Puff Daddy) latest reality tv show I Want to Work for Diddy: The Man, the Myth reminded me a lot of a presidential campaign–with one exception: I understand what Diddy is talking about. Diddy presents himself as a no-nonsense boss that can get things done. I’m not saying that Diddy can navigate domestic and international political waters, but I haven’t heard much from either Senator McCain nor Senator Obama about what they plan to do. It’s always about what they believe–the rhetoric of beliefs. That said, the upcoming National Conventions will be pretty boring. (Exception: How is Hillary Clinton going to ask the Democratic Party to support Senator Obama when she argued so vehemently against him? Stay tuned!) Here are some quotes from Diddy that would liven up the conventions:

It’s a hard mother f****ing job, but somebody’s got to do it.

To succeed in anything in life you need a vision. If you can’t see the forest through the trees, you need to chop them mother f****ers down.

If you gave it you’re all, that’s the kind of performance I judge. I judge your heart. You got to go hard or go home.

I want my dreams to come true, but not in a selfish way. I want other people’s dreams to come true, too.

Sleep is forbidden. When I’m working, I’m a machine and I don’t look at other people like they are human.

You got to be able to make a way out of no way.

I sometimes feel sorry for people that don’t work for me, ‘cuz I know they not be having as much fun.

PJ


Sandra Bernhard adds origionality to judges’ comments {Project Runway}

August 1, 2008

Comedian/actress/author Sandra Bernhard was the guest judge on Project Runway this week. Her comment on Terri’s outfit was one of the most original I’ve ever heard. She looks like she could pull out a knife and say, ‘I’m going to cut you!’ ‘This was made all the more funny when Michael Kors said that she looks like a girl you want to meet. It was a nice break from the usual: It does not look finished to me, it is not well executed, it’s chic looking, I would wear that, she knows how to dress a woman…

Why wasn’t Blayne in the bottom three? His dress looked like a black shift with blobs of Play-Doh stuck on it. It wasn’t as bad as Emily’s Carmen Miranda dress, but it was a close cousin! Maybe they kept Blayne because he taught Tim Gunn how to say, “Holla to your boy.

I thought Leanne’s black dress was amazing, and I preferred it to Kenley’s outfit. Kenley reminds me of Season 3’s Ulie with her love of prints!

PJ


Future network change looms over Project Runway

July 25, 2008
I miss the more serene Heidi

I miss the more serene Heidi

The first two episodes of Season Five of Project Runway are over and already Heidi Klum looks a little tired. The usual perky, fashionably dressed and impeccably styled host and executive producer appears a little too thin and stressed out. Season 5 has a trying-too-hard-to-live-up-to-past-season’s vibe; the format is the same, but you can tell things have changed. This will be the last season aired on Bravo TV. Season 6 will be aired on the Lifetime Network and produced in LA (supposedly the geographical change works out better for Klum). Will the New York based supporting cast follow Klum? I can’t imagine Project Runway without Nina Garcia, Michael Kors, or especially Tim Gunn. Will the ultimate prize still be a runway show at Bryant Park? NYC is the perfect backdrop for fashion designers–can LA live up to it? I would love to see previous LA based designers Kara Saun, Santino Rice, and Jeffery Sebelia make appearances. What I’m afraid of is that the show will pander to the Red Carpet culture rather than fashion editors. Also, isn’t Lifetime “television for women?” Since when did Project Runway become a show “for women?”

As for the first two episodes: no one has stepped forward as the official a-hole, yet. In my opinion, two talented designers have been sent home already. I really thought Blayne would be the first one out with his walking Depends Undergarment creation, but Blayne is a “character.” He reminds me of Kato Kaelin’s gay cousin. In the last episode he called Heidi “Darth Vader” because she dressed in black. (Heidi had called Blayne’s diaper-chic “butt ugly”–ouch). But then Blayne changed his mind and called Heidi “Darth-licious” in a manner that evoked the spirit of the great Christian Siriano. Also, guest judge Natalie Portman plugged her new vegan shoe line. I’ve been buying “vegan shoes” for years at Payless. I’m so ahead of my time.

Kato or Blayne?

Kato or Blayne?

PJ


Who names their dog Booger? {Groomer Has It}

June 19, 2008

Mario DiFante is a “Mobile Grooming Consultant” who is also the executive director of “Pet Fashion Week.” It was Mario who judged the Quick Sniff Mobile Grooming Challenge. Jorge, who was last weeks winner, picked Jonathan to be his partner. Actually, It would have been more fun to see how they got these vans messy in the first place than to watch the contestants clean them. The interiors were so nasty that Jonathan scoffed, “I do not go around cleaning up after people. It’s not my job.”

Jorge (about Jonathan): “It’s hard to fit yourself, and him, and his ego in a small place. I thought I would have to hose him down at some point.”

When time was up, Mario inspected the trucks literally with a white glove. I think Mario would have been more disgusted with the condition with Hell’s Kitchen. Kathleen and Artist won the challenge and received a mobile GPS as a reward.

At dinner that night, Kathleen and Jonathan made fun of groomers who put plastic flowers in their vans and according to Kathleen, “happily wear polyester.” Artist said he never wore a uniform and Jonathan said that wearing a black tank top isn’t appropriate if your dealing with certain types of people. Jonathan’s dress for success attitude didn’t impress Artist who said he would work at a Humane Society for free.

Watching Jonathan and Jorge navigate the streets of Los Angeles in a mobile Grooming truck was like watching Dumb and Dumber. Apparently Jonathan will hire his own driver in the future because he doesn’t drive, he grooms. Jorge’s comment was hilarious: “We are from New York. We don’t use maps, we just tell the cab driver where to go.” Jonathan and Jorge made all of their appointments on time (barely), and managed to put a hole in the roof of their truck in the process. But they figured they would be OK because they would not be judged on the condition of their vehicle.

At judging, Jonathan said, “There was a low hanging branch that did hit the top of the van.” Apparently Jonathan thought he was in Narnia where the tree branches have minds of their own.

Jonathan also trimmed a dog’s ears wrong. Interestingly, this was the same mistake that sent Jasper home, but this week Jonathan won–go figure. However, the judges determined that Kathleen’s made two fatal mistakes when grooming Eloise, the Coton de Tulear 1) Forgetting the Kwik Stop and 2) not letting the client know that the dog’s nails could bleed afterwards.

Kathleen bowed out gracefully; she was smart enough to know not to say anything bad about Artist, who is quickly becoming the show’s unsung hero.

Honestly, I have to admit what bothered me the most about this episode was that General Hospital actress Kelly Monaco named her French Bulldog “Booger.” Who names a dog Booger? Kelly looks too young to remember Curtis Armstrong’s character of Booger from Revenge of the Nerds, so what’s up with that name? It was funny, however, to see Karen “Doc” Halligan ask with a straight face, “Was this Booger’s first grooming?” But it would have been even funnier if they groomed Pink’s dog whose name is “F**cker.”

I’m still rooting for Artist to take the title!

PJ

Photos: Narnia’s Creepy Trees, Coton de Tulear, French Bulldog, and Curtis Armstrong, the original “Booger” in Revenge of the Nerds (1984).


Bravo’s A List Award Show deserves an “F”

June 13, 2008

Aside from the Project Runway segment, last night’s A List Awards on Bravo TV were LAME!  I always thought of Bravo TV to be more on the high end of the reality TV genre in terms of programing, but last night they stooped lower than needed with such categories as “Rear of the Year.”  Kathy Griffin’s material was watered down so much that her bawdy monologues seemed out of place; it seemed as if Kathy was trying to bring Btavo TV’s “Watch What Happens” shows up to A List standards, when in my opinion, they were already there.  The Real Housewives of Orange County and NYC made an appearance on stage as presenters, but they didn’t know do so well reading the teleprompter.   These women are so funny when they are just being themselves, so why ruin it by giving them a script?  The producers missed an opportunity to have us listen in on them backstage.  The lesson learned here is that a show written for reality TV stars doesn’t work.

PJ

 


What makes Heidi and Spencer newsworthy? {Chelsea Lately}

June 10, 2008

Chelsea Handler featured a story about Heidi and Spencer on her round-table last night. Heidi and Spencer, who are a couple from an almost-reality TV show The Hills, and are also a couple in “real life” as well should feel honored that they are a topic of discussion on Chelsea Lately. Why are they under the impression they are similar to Katie and Tom or Posh and Beck? They aren’t actors or singers (although Heidi has tried), or sports legends. They are feeding the media with these lame little anecdotes about themselves and we are supposed to be interested. last night I learned that they bought guns. Now if they were a high powered paparazzi-chased couple, this could be interesting to some people who have a lot of time on their hands, or perhaps if they were kind of nutty (like Brittany) this might be scary. But as Chelsea said, these two are “officially idiots.” I hope Chelsea stops giving them commentary because I never want to become bored with Chelsea’s material. So go away, “Spidey,” I want forget about you.

Pj


Chef Lisa squeaks by with garnishes and dipping sauce {Top Chef}

June 6, 2008

Richard made it clear from the onset that he didn’t think Lisa had the talent to be in the final four, and later referred to her as “a gray cloud in the kitchen.” However, Lisa arrived in Puerto Rico with a new haircut and ready for the challenges. For the Quickfire Challenge, the chefs had to cook with plantains for celebrity guest judge, Wilo Benet. There were a couple of amusing moments: when the timer went off, the chefs raised their hands without Padma yelling, “Knifes down! Hands Up!” Richard managed to singe his eyebrows and sound like a woodpecker when chopping. Stephanie won the Quickfire, and as a reward she got to pair-up chefs with sous chefs (season cast-offs). Stephanie picked Dale because she “has known him for about 10 years.” Richard was paired with Spike (who sported a new hat), and Nicki was assigned to Antonia. The paring of Andrew and Lisa could have produced a lot of drama, but Andrew announced, “Never have I thrown somebody under the bus. I play with honor!” He kept his cool throughout the preparations, despite Lisa acting more than a little bossy. Richard brought along a roll of bright green painters tape to make labels and this “ingredient” helped to keep him organized the small kitchen. Dale had a brain fart and left the pork belly out on top of the stove overnight, but with Dale’s help, Stephanie managed to improvise and wind up in the top two with Richard. Her food sounded delicious (especially the Pork Satay on a Sugar Cane skewer with miso almond sauce and cilantro vinaigrette) and for a fraction of a second, I forgot that the chefs spent 7 hours dismembering pigs. I was surprised at the decline in Antonia’s performance during this this episode. She had said that on the hiatus, she had been “working 100 hours a week” at her restaurant, so that may explain why she was not in her usual top form. Lisa had practiced cooking Puerto Rican food at home, and came to Puerto Rico familiar with the local ingredients. Antonia ended up leaving for her “unsophisticated dishes” and “undercooked pigeon peas.” I made the mistake of wasting a few minutes trying to figure out the judges’ decision: didn’t Lisa have several less than successful dishes? Lisa did make great garnishes and dipping sauces, but personally I would have passed on her Roasted Pork-butt. Baring any more undercooked lentils, Stephanie is a the strongest contender for the final two. Lisa will be a big surprise if she lasts another week. Richard’s past performances have been uneven, but he won the elimination challenge this week—and a car!

PJ


Chef Spike could not revive his frozen scallops {Top Chef}

May 30, 2008

The Quickfire Challenge this week was a vegetarian’s nightmare. The chefs had to show their “butchery skills” at Allen Brother’s meat plant and cut seven chops with a “frenched bone” from an American raised long-boned rib-eye, USDA Dry Aged Prime Rib rack in 20 minutes. After returning to the Top Chef Kitchen, each of the five remaining chefs had to cook a tomahawk chop in thirty minutes. Spike, a grandson of two butchers, soared through both parts of this challenge, and as a reward he was able to have first pick of ingredients from Rick Tramonto’s kitchen in Rick Tramonto’s Steak and Seafood restaurant. For the elimination challenge, each chef had to create an original appetizer and entree. Chef Tom Collicico took on the role of “Expediter” for the dinner service. Tom’s quiet demeanor was quite a switch from Chef Ramsey’s famous freak-outs in Hell’s Kitchen. Previous Top Chef winners Harold Dieterle (Season One), Ilan Hall (Season Two), and Hung Hynh (Season Three) were invited as the judges’ VIP guests. (I must say that Ilan looked a little out of place wearing a brown tee-shirt)

Stephanie won the challenge with her Sweetbreads with Golden Raisins & Pine Nuts appetizer (she was proud that she could make sweetbreads taste like Chicken McNuggets) and her Beef Tenderloin with Wild Mushrooms & Apple Sauce entree . Richard’s Hamachi with Crispy Sweatbreads, Radish, Avocado & Yuzu appetizer was the favorite dish of the evening, and Lisa’s Peanut Butter Mashed Potatoes was the best side dish. Chef Tom thought that Antonio’s entree tasted best out of all the steak dishes.

Lisa and Spike wound up as the bottom two, Lisa was at the bottom for the fifth time. I think Padma saved her because she thought Lisa had “an amazing pallet.” The frozen scallops turned out to be Spike’s downfall. Spike tried for a long time to drain the water out of them with paper towels, but he still could not turn them into fresh scallops. Moreover, at the Judge’s Table Spike told Rick that he shouldn’t have had scallops in his walk-in that “weren’t high quality.” (Ouch) Rick rebounded with, “I’ll take that shot, bro. I had frozen scallops in my cooler, but you got to take the shot that you used them.” On the positive side, working in Rick’s hot kitchen made Spike remove his signature silly hat. I really hope he tossed it into the wood burning oven. Next week the four remaining chefs head off to Puerto Rico. Will there be an all women final three?

PJ


Matt, Louross, and Jenn crash and burn in Hell’s Kitchen

May 28, 2008

Chef Jenn looks so sweet in this photograph, but her teammates saw a different side this week. Jenn managed to lose the first challenge by not putting sauce on two of the dishes. For their punishment, the Blue Team had to become a maintenance crew and scrub the outside of the restaurant. Lourross tried to lighten the mood by pulling his work outfit over his head to which Jenn said, “You’re stupid and you got a wedgie.” Bobby thought Jenn was being bossy and said the quote of the week: “I come in peace, but if you break my sanctuary, you will feel it.”

Both teams completed dinner service (barely) this week, but still managed to gross-out Chef Ramsey and his guests. Petrozza was busted for putting dirty lettuce leaves in a shrimp cocktail. Louross sent out raw steak, prompting Chef Ramsey to cry, “Raw Steak!!!” and round up the Blue Team to come over and “feel the meat.” Is this what really goes on in a restaurant kitchen, or just a TV kitchen?

Matt wins the gross-out award for letting sweat from his forehead drip into pasta water (Ramsey said that was the reason the customers were sending the appetizers back for being too salty). Matt tied a dinner napkin around his head to try to fix the problem, but Ramsey just made fun of him for wearing a diaper around his head and acting like a baby. “This is not The Simpsons, Homer,” he said to Matt after the dinner service. Cory begged Matt to “cook like a normal person,” but nothing helped.

Meanwhile, Jenn undercooked her first dessert which prompted Ramsey to tell her to “F*** Off!”

Ramsey let Petrozza pick two teammates for elimination as well as choose which one of them should go home. Petrozza chose Louross for his lack of skills. Then Ramsey called Matt and Jenn forward and told them to take off their jackets and switch teams because he was “unconvinced by the both of them.”

To Jenn: “you may be able to manipulate your team, you can’t manipulate me.”

To Matt: “You’re lucky to be here. Look around. You’re out of your depth.”

Needless to say, neither team was happy about this switch.

But as usual, Gordon had the last word: “Louross was never short on energy. He was just short…(pause)…on cooking skills.”

From the previews it looks like Matt becomes even crazier next week. I predict Ramsey will eliminate Matt or Jenn (or both) next week.

PJ


Jessica sent home becuase of an “easy” Golden Retriever {Groomer Has It}

May 26, 2008

For the “On the Cover” elimination challenge, groomers found dogs at the Long Beach Recreational Dog Park to model for a chance to be featured on an upcoming cover of Groomer To Groomer magazine. Jessica was sent home this week because she chose a Golden Retriever named Puget who, according to the judges, was “too easy to groom” for a “Western Dog” themed photograph.

Groomer To Groomer magazine features “editorial” cover photographs, and I learned from watching America’s Next Top Model that “editorial” means artsy and fashion-forward. According to eliminated grommer Sarah Grace’s blog, guest judge Emily Willis,Vice President of Creative Services for Groomer To Groomer, “explains that they want to show a professional groom on the cover, but also one that demonstrates creativity.” However, on the Groomer To Groomer web-page, there are two past covers that don’t feature creative cuts (the third is a dog groomed to look like a basketball).

Aside from the winner, Kathleen, whom Artist said her “Circus Dog,” Scruffy, looked like he had been dipped in acid, the judges had negative feedback for everyone. In the end, Jorge squeaked by based on his results in past challenges. Not only did Jorge do a poor job of grooming Chloe, an American Cocker Spaniel, but he appeared to have “walked his dog through paint” according to Jessica. (Personally, I would have selected the Harlequin Great Dane (below left) that was at the dog park for a “Formal Dog” themed photo shoot because his coat had tuxedo colors)

Despite the judges’ criticisms about Jonathan being a poodle-only groomer, Emily Willis liked Jonathan’s “Disco Dog” themed poodle the best, even though the fur resembled a big cloud of blue cotton candy. Jonathan also trimmed the head of his poodle in an attempt to create an afro. (Huh?)

Jasper and Artist put forth the most effort this week: Jasper groomed and painted his Terrier mix to look like a “Super Football Fan,” complete with a “hairy chest and hairy back.” The hairy chest/back feature thoroughly grossed out metro-sexual judge Xavier, but proved that Jasper can be creative. Artist challenged himself by choosing a Briard, a breed of dog he has only seen once in South Central for a “Rock and Roll” themed photo.

I can’t wait for next week because the dogs will judge the groomers (via a pet psychic) to select a winner. This will be a first for Reality TV!

PJ



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