Who cares about your dumb tennis match? {Real Housewives of NYC}

Hey Bravo—no one cares about this tennis match!  This season has plenty of backhanded comments, slices, and foot

Mario "Too Tan For Primetime" Singer

(in mouth) faults each week, so why make us watch an actual tennis match?  I think Mario wants a platform to show his skills, and frankly, I’d prefer he just continue his tanning and trash talking.  Perhaps Mario is jealous that Simon has secured himself Bravolebrtity status, ironically, thanks in part to Ramona, who last season came completely unglued when Simon showed up at a “girl’s night.”

Kelly Bensimon's uniform is boots and a too short dress: More childish than chic

My take on Kelly is that Kelly does not see herself as a Bravolebrity; her fame or infamy stems from a source greater than Reality TV.  But come on Kelly, even Paris Hilton, an honest to goodness NY socialite, didn’t turn her nose up at Reality TV.  Kelly reminds me of the quintessential beautiful- person- popular- girl in high school who no one dared “call out” or question.  Kelly should have consulted her publicist as to how to deal with Bethany because obviously Kelly revealed herself to be mean and not too bright.

On another note–the Bravo TV Blogs reveal more backstory for viewers who want more than the “edited for dramatic impact” moments.  The funniest Blog this week is Andy Cohen’s, who finally got his mom to watch an episode with him.

Also today I heard that LuAnn and “The Count” have separated.  The cast is set to tape the “Reunion Special” soon so we’ll see how she is doing.  Hopefully, she’ll get to keep her title like the Dutchess of York.

PJ

New Guinea Pigs arrive at the Dr. Phil House

Couples argue in The Dr. Phil House

Dr. Phil has often said that his guests are “teaching tools” (aka guinea pigs) for the viewing public  This week, three fighting couples enter the Dr. Phil House, a virtual Habitrail, to teach us what I learn from most of his episodes–that I am way better off than those guests!  The most notable difference between these couples and past feuding family members is that these three women are as aggressive (if not more) than their husbands and are able to stand up to Dr. Phil without looking too stupid.  Aside from the “teaching tool” motive, is the linchpin of Phil’s calling in this world: To Save the Children.  I side with him on that issue and it is one of the reasons my TiVo is still set to The Dr. Phil Show.

PJ

A Nation of Village People {Judge Judy}

Senator and soon to be Secretary of State  Hilary Clinton could probably feel her ears (and cankles) burning when Mr. Weston, a defendant on Judge Judy, gave his exit interview  yesterday.  Judge Judy had dismissed Mr. Weston’s case of false arrest for assault with a deadly weapon when his neighbors claimed he had allegedly tried to run over his son with his car after being challenged to a fight.

Did he have anything to say to his neighbors?

Ready to Raise Your Child

“IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD, AND THEY ARE NOT VILLAGE PEOPLE“

Next case….

PJ

Tamra Barney takes out the trash {The Real Housewives of Orange County}

Viewers were surely annoyed that they had to wait a half hour before getting to the “Drunk Gretchen” scene at Tamra’s so called formal dinner party, a party so embarrassingly distasteful, I thought the hired chef, Brian Malarkey, might torch the entire table with his fire-themed deserts.  The big storyline “Tamra gets Gretchen drunk to bring out Gretchen’s dark side,” apparently backfired on Tamra when Gretchen and Tamra’s son, Ryan, looked like they were

Tamra's son, Ryan, brings out "The Dark Side of Gretchen"

going to “hook up.”  Ironically, Tamra stated in an interview segment that a person’s actions are more important to her than what a person says.  She was referring to Gretchen, but Tamra might have well been looking in a mirror. Gretchen has no one to blame but herself for drinking too much Tequila, but Tamra kept ordering her son to bring Gretchen shot after shot as well as encouraging everyone else to go along with her scheme.  The most entertaining part of this whole fiasco was that the other housewives looked mortified at what was happening.  It was clear that none of them wanted to be there; Jeana was the only one who made any attempt to socialize, and the husbands just sat back and watched as if they had front row seats to the WWE.

Simon Barney in his pre-Tequila days

The men reminded me of the husbands from The Real Housewives of Atlanta who sat back at numerous dinner parties and watched their alpha wives mark their territory. Bottom line:  Tequila doesn’t lead to bad behavior, Tamra Barney does: she embarrassed herself, her guests, her etiquette teacher, the chef, her husband and his new Tequila brand business venture, and me—for admitting I watch this show.  Calling her son a “manwhore” didn’t help either, and hopefully that phrase will not become Ryan’s latest tattoo.  The funniest line from the show, however, did come from a tipsy Gretchen: I have big boobs, I con do what I want. Click here for Bravo TV’s rogue’s gallery of photos.

PJ

P.S. As of today, Vicki is the only housewife to write in about last night’s episode:

I had a great time at Tamra’s dinner party. It was fun getting all dressed up for a formal party at home instead of going out to a restaurant. All of our homes are so beautiful and I feel we don’t spend as much time in them as we should. It was amazing having Chef Brian Malarkey cook for us. It was overwhelming to watch how much work goes into the preparations for each dish. I have been to his restaurant Oceanaire in San Diego a few times, so it was nice to experience his menu and

Vicki Gunvalson

talent at Tamra’s.

The only reason I made the comment at dinner about Lynne being so laid back was because I have never been around anyone like her before. It seems like nothing would ever bother her at all, and it doesn’t seem like she has a care in the world. Coming from me, Ms. Type-A Personality, it is nice to see someone with that level of calmness.

Yeah, right.  (I guess she forgot about almost vomiting over the oyster appetizers).

Thongate’s a new segment on “The Soup”

Mankini and McHale on The Soup

Inspired by a viewer’s email last week, The Soup‘s Joel McHale introduced a new and ever more bizarre segment called “Thongate“, a clip from All My Children where actor, Cameron Mathison, turns around and reveals the top a black thong before making a dramatic exit from a room.

Just when I think no one watches this stuff but me, this week The Soup revealed that the mainstream maidens of The View sanctioned a few seconds of their precious airtime to Thongate.  However, The View one-upped The Soup with a “surprised” entrance by Mathison who walked onstage, and stopping next to Barbara Walters, turned around, pointed to his backside exclaiming, “This is how it was–here we go: T-shirt! T-shirt!  It was a T-shirt caught in the pants! T-shirt!”

McHale and his co-stars, Mankini and the Spaghetti Eating Cat, didn’t buy it. “You are a lying freak, Mathison!” said Mankini.   Accordingly, McHale said a viewer survey showed that 94% agreed.

The Soup's Spaghetti Cat

Check Out My Thong

Decide for yourself:  Click here for video clip and story.

Sloppy editing and talent improvisation continue to provide material for The Soup.  Another Soup segment, Is Al Roker Talking About Semen? featured  The Today Show‘s Al Roker exclaiming, “Live on Five: Hold the Mayo!” after Ann “Good morning- Good morning” Curry was cold and had just asked Roker and Lauer to hug her, thus making an “Ann Sandwhich.”

Ann Curry chillin'

Producers need to encourage their talent to stick to the script, less they become future fodder for E!‘s  and VH1‘s popular clip shows.

PJ

Lauri leaves Bravo’s O.C. {The Real Housewives of Orange County}

Lauri Waring Peterson is the newest ex-housewife

Lauri Waring aka,”Mrs. George Peterson,” has left The Real Housewives of Orange County in the middle of the fourth season.  Bravo TV had preempted this episode as “shocking,” but Lauri exited quietly to spend more time with her family.  From the previews, I was expecting Vicki to have a hissy fit and leave the show amid some kind of scandal, but that didn’t happen.

I think Lauri’s reasons for leaving Housewives are similar to Tammy Knickerbocker’s; she and her kids need time to deal with things privately.  She said that she hopes she doesn’t offend anybody by leaving, but why would she?  Lauri has been an easy target of criticism by fans of the show, yet any negative remarks probably stemmed from jealousy.

Vicki, Quinn (a one season housewife) and Lauri at last season's cocktail party

Even during the first season Vicki remarked that it is easy to be jealous of Lauri because Lauri is prettier, skinnier, and has bigger boobs.  But Vikki goes on to say, “I’m rooting for her..I just want her to succeed in life.”  At the opening of the first season, Lauri had been working for Vicki’s insurance company for 3 years.  Newly divorced and living outside the gates in a townhouse, Lauri said she didn’t need to work when she was married, but now she had to work to support her family.  We all could see that Lauri wasn’t happy with her change in lifestyle, especially when everyone around her seemed living on easy street.  But I had to give her credit for making the best of her situation, and striving to be a good parent to her less than perfect kids, and many viewers could relate to  Lauri’s day to day adversities.  But when Lari met her soon to be husband, real estate developer, George Peterson, the collective claws came out and Lari was labeled a “gold digger.”

This photo is from "georgeandlauri.com"

Lauri’s wedding was beautiful, almost dreamlike in atmosphere, and George remained laid back and in love throughout.   Their married life seemed so serene…I would love to stop over to Georges unpretentiously decorated house for ice tea and prune roses with Lauri before heading out their ranch to ride horses.  I think fans were waiting for change in Lauri, and she has changed a little bit.  On the first episode of this season, while she was eating dinner with George at The St. Regis and calling him “Babe” every other breath, she said that she didn’t want to go to Dubai for their honeymoon because it was “too commercial.”  (Gag)  The titanium credit card (another gift from George) was another vapid moment.

However, Lauri has remained true to herself: honest, humble, strong, beautiful, and in my opinion, the one of the more REAL housewives in  Bravo’s  Housewives series.  I will miss her and I wish her all the best with her family.

PJ

Dr. Phil did not “get real” with Grandpa Al {Dr. Phil Show}

Once I heard that child molester, Grandpa Al, was back on Dr. Phil to state his case, I was ready for Dr. Phil to lay on the “get real” rhetoric. In fact, I was looking forward to having Al put in his place. However, the Dr. Phil Show made a conscious decision to treat this family with dignity and respect. Unlike “The Sister In Law From Hell” family, Dr. P did not use them as “teaching tools.” In spite of the polygraph results from the last show, Dr. Phil only recommended pastoral counseling for Al, and separate counseling for Al’s wife. Ditto for Sherry-Lynn and her husband. What disturbed me was that Dr. Phil did not recommend (at least publicly) that Grandpa Al stay away from his 12 year old grandson, Parker. What about protecting the children? Dr. Phil always says he’s on the side of the children. If their situation takes a turn for the worse, CPS will be very interested in this episode.

Did anyone catch the “Brat Camp” episode? A couple of those kids were scary.

PJ

Dr. Phil offers more home-spun advice for feuding family members

I enjoy family feud episodes like today’s Sister in Law from Hell because Dr. Phil is really in his element. Guests whip themselves into a Jerry Springer-esque frenzy and Dr. Phil turns down the volume with rhetorical questions like: Do I look stupid to you? No seriously, did someone tell you I wasn’t very smart? I’ve yet to see someone reply, “Actually Dr. Phil, I met 10 people waiting in line this morning who said you weren’t very smart.” But no one ever acts defiant; individual family members are too busy justifying their own point of view. In-law strife episodes have been cloned hundreds of times with different families, but there was so much animosity between today’s family, I think Dr. Phil could not afford the liability of tossing them into “The Dr. Phil House” and letting nature take its course. Dr. P made it clear that if they sit on his stage, they become his “teaching tools.” So what is the difference between a teaching tool and a guinea pig?

Bottom line: No single person is the the only cause of family chaos. Take ownership of your role in creating the drama and kicking up the rhetoric.

Dr. Phil-ism: I tell ya’ if insight was lard, I couldn’t drink a skillet out of the whole bunch. Translation please?

PJ

Dr. Phil reveals he’s “as flexible as a rubber hose”

Based on the title of today’s episode, Cougar Craze, I expected Dr. Phil to set the women’s movement back a few years by making the guests look desperate and needy. But Dr. Phil was more worried about the women marginalizing his age group by choosing to dive into a dating pool full of men under 30. Attractive and articulate women over 45 claim that older men “have pot bellies and are rigid and set in their ways.” The show took a bizarre twist when Dr. Phil jumped off his high chair (literally, because today everyone was seated on high wooden chairs facing the audience), unbuttoned his sport coat and said, “I don’t have a pot belly.” The audience breathed a sigh of relief when Dr. P hopped back upon his perch and didn’t remove any more clothing. Then Dr. P said, “I’m as flexible as a rubber hose!” to which the audience of women responded with a resounding, “Oh no he didn’t!” An embarrassed Robin McGraw stood up and gushed, “I’m leaving.” Dr. Phil: “I didn’t mean it like that! Right. The director made the right choice when staging this episode. The guests were seated next to, not around Dr. Phil like they needed therapy, and Dr. Phil sat poised to lead a discussion, rather than give advice. Dr. Phil’s bottom line was: “Age should not be a deal-breaker if you both have the same mind set.” It was an entertaining show and for a minute I thought Dr. Phil might stand up on his chair and beat his chest with his fists, gorilla-style. Maybe that footage will appear on the Dr. Phil Uncensored page.

Have a good weekend,

PJ

Hell’s Kitchen’s “donkeys” and “darlings” finally succeed!

Chefs competing in Hell’s Kitchen are hazed, harassed, and verbally hammered by Chef Ramsey and this week succeeded at completing their first dinner service. Then men (who Ramsey insults by calling them “donkeys”) served up their own drama complete with tears, temper tantrums, and moments of pouty-lipped whining. Ben was mortally offended by Louross, accusing him of “being a little BEEP.” After the men lost the gourmet pizza making challenge, Louross put a towel over his head and paced around the kitchen weeping. Ben has become a little paranoid, claiming that Chef Ramsey hates him. (Wah). Ramsey drives home the point by making Ben deliver pizzas in a wobbly delivery truck. The men’s team would have fared much better if they focused more on the task at hand and less on assigning blame and conjugating the F word. Matt, in particular, had the worst time, pleading (like a little BEEP) for his team to work together. The team repaid him by nominating him to be sent home. In a hilarious moment, Matt rescued a charred beef wellington by slicing off the top layer and exposing the tender meat inside. Unknowingly, Ramsey accepted the dish as up to his standards and sent it out to the diners. An amused Louross exclaimed, “That was the most ghetto-est kitchen move I ever saw!” The drama-free women’s team soared through this weeks challenges, prompting Ramsey to call them”darlings” ten times more than usual. Unfortunately, Vanessa had to leave the show because her severely burned hand prevented her from cooking. She went up to Ramsey’s “office” to deliver the news, an office that looked like a bat-cave. What does Ramsey do up there, anyway? To reward the contestants for their successful dinner service, Chef Ramsey decided not to send anyone home. I hope the chefs are awake enough talk to eachother next week— otherwise the BEEP will BEEP, BEEEEEEP. —PJ