Who cares about your dumb tennis match? {Real Housewives of NYC}

April 2, 2009

Hey Bravo—no one cares about this tennis match!  This season has plenty of backhanded comments, slices, and foot

Mario "Too Tan For Primetime" Singer

Mario "Too Tan For Primetime" Singer

(in mouth) faults each week, so why make us watch an actual tennis match?  I think Mario wants a platform to show his skills, and frankly, I’d prefer he just continue his tanning and trash talking.  Perhaps Mario is jealous that Simon has secured himself Bravolebrtity status, ironically, thanks in part to Ramona, who last season came completely unglued when Simon showed up at a “girl’s night.”

Kelly Bensimon's uniform is boots and a too short dress: More childish than chic

Kelly Bensimon's uniform is boots and a too short dress: More childish than chic

My take on Kelly is that Kelly does not see herself as a Bravolebrity; her fame or infamy stems from a source greater than Reality TV.  But come on Kelly, even Paris Hilton, an honest to goodness NY socialite, didn’t turn her nose up at Reality TV.  Kelly reminds me of the quintessential beautiful- person- popular- girl in high school who no one dared “call out” or question.  Kelly should have consulted her publicist as to how to deal with Bethany because obviously Kelly revealed herself to be mean and not too bright.

On another note–the Bravo TV Blogs reveal more backstory for viewers who want more than the “edited for dramatic impact” moments.  The funniest Blog this week is Andy Cohen’s, who finally got his mom to watch an episode with him.

Also today I heard that LuAnn and “The Count” have separated.  The cast is set to tape the “Reunion Special” soon so we’ll see how she is doing.  Hopefully, she’ll get to keep her title like the Dutchess of York.

PJ


New Guinea Pigs arrive at the Dr. Phil House

March 19, 2009

Couples argue in The Dr. Phil House

Couples argue in The Dr. Phil House

Dr. Phil has often said that his guests are “teaching tools” (aka guinea pigs) for the viewing public  This week, three fighting couples enter the Dr. Phil House, a virtual Habitrail, to teach us what I learn from most of his episodes–that I am way better off than those guests!  The most notable difference between these couples and past feuding family members is that these three women are as aggressive (if not more) than their husbands and are able to stand up to Dr. Phil without looking too stupid.  Aside from the “teaching tool” motive, is the linchpin of Phil’s calling in this world: To Save the Children.  I side with him on that issue and it is one of the reasons my TiVo is still set to The Dr. Phil Show.

PJ


A Nation of Village People {Judge Judy}

January 14, 2009

hillary-clinton-book1

hilary-clinton-bwSenator and soon to be Secretary of State  Hilary Clinton could probably feel her ears (and cankles) burning when Mr. Weston, a defendant on Judge Judy, gave his exit interview  yesterday.  Judge Judy had dismissed Mr. Weston’s case of false arrest for assault with a deadly weapon when his neighbors claimed he had allegedly tried to run over his son with his car after being challenged to a fight.

Did he have anything to say to his neighbors?

Ready to Raise Your Child

Ready to Raise Your Child

“IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD, AND THEY ARE NOT VILLAGE PEOPLE


Next case….

PJ



Tamra Barney takes out the trash {The Real Housewives of Orange County}

January 14, 2009

Viewers were surely annoyed that they had to wait a half hour before getting to the “Drunk Gretchen” scene at Tamra’s so called formal dinner party, a party so embarrassingly distasteful, I thought the hired chef, Brian Malarkey, might torch the entire table with his fire-themed deserts.  The big storyline “Tamra gets Gretchen drunk to bring out Gretchen’s dark side,” apparently backfired on Tamra when Gretchen and Tamra’s son, Ryan, looked like they were

Tamra's son, Ryan, brings out "The Dark Side of Gretchen"

Tamra's son, Ryan, brings out "The Dark Side of Gretchen"

going to “hook up.”  Ironically, Tamra stated in an interview segment that a person’s actions are more important to her than what a person says.  She was referring to Gretchen, but Tamra might have well been looking in a mirror. Gretchen has no one to blame but herself for drinking too much Tequila, but Tamra kept ordering her son to bring Gretchen shot after shot as well as encouraging everyone else to go along with her scheme.  The most entertaining part of this whole fiasco was that the other housewives looked mortified at what was happening.  It was clear that none of them wanted to be there; Jeana was the only one who made any attempt to socialize, and the husbands just sat back and watched as if they had front row seats to the WWE.

Simon Barney in his pre-Tequila days

Simon Barney in his pre-Tequila days

The men reminded me of the husbands from The Real Housewives of Atlanta who sat back at numerous dinner parties and watched their alpha wives mark their territory. Bottom line:  Tequila doesn’t lead to bad behavior, Tamra Barney does: she embarrassed herself, her guests, her etiquette teacher, the chef, her husband and his new Tequila brand business venture, and me—for admitting I watch this show.  Calling her son a “manwhore” didn’t help either, and hopefully that phrase will not become Ryan’s latest tattoo.  The funniest line from the show, however, did come from a tipsy Gretchen: I have big boobs, I con do what I want. Click here for Bravo TV’s rogue’s gallery of photos.

PJ

P.S. As of today, Vicki is the only housewife to write in about last night’s episode:

I had a great time at Tamra’s dinner party. It was fun getting all dressed up for a formal party at home instead of going out to a restaurant. All of our homes are so beautiful and I feel we don’t spend as much time in them as we should. It was amazing having Chef Brian Malarkey cook for us. It was overwhelming to watch how much work goes into the preparations for each dish. I have been to his restaurant Oceanaire in San Diego a few times, so it was nice to experience his menu and

Vicki Gunvalson

Vicki Gunvalson

talent at Tamra’s.

The only reason I made the comment at dinner about Lynne being so laid back was because I have never been around anyone like her before. It seems like nothing would ever bother her at all, and it doesn’t seem like she has a care in the world. Coming from me, Ms. Type-A Personality, it is nice to see someone with that level of calmness.

Yeah, right.  (I guess she forgot about almost vomiting over the oyster appetizers).


Thongate’s a new segment on “The Soup”

December 17, 2008
Mankini and McHale on The Soup

Mankini and McHale on The Soup

Inspired by a viewer’s email last week, The Soups Joel McHale introduced a new and ever more bizarre segment called “Thongate“, a clip from All My Children where actor, Cameron Mathison, turns around and reveals the top a black thong before making a dramatic exit from a room.

Just when I think no one watches this stuff but me, this week The Soup revealed that the mainstream maidens of The View sanctioned a few seconds of their precious airtime to Thongate.  However, The View one-upped The Soup with a “surprised” entrance by Mathison who walked onstage, and stopping next to Barbara Walters, turned around, pointed to his backside exclaiming, “This is how it was–here we go: T-shirt! T-shirt!  It was a T-shirt caught in the pants! T-shirt!”

McHale and his co-stars, Mankini and the Spaghetti Eating Cat, didn’t buy it. “You are a lying freak, Mathison!” said Mankini.   Accordingly, McHale said a viewer survey showed that 94% agreed.

The Soup's Spaghetti Cat

The Soup's Spaghetti Cat

Check Out My Thong

Check Out My Thong

Decide for yourself:  Click here for video clip and story.

Sloppy editing and talent improvisation continue to provide material for The Soup.  Another Soup segment, Is Al Roker Talking About Semen? featured  The Today Show‘s Al Roker exclaiming, “Live on Five: Hold the Mayo!” after Ann “Good morning- Good morning” Curry was cold and had just asked Roker and Lauer to hug her, thus making an “Ann Sandwhich.”

Ann Curry chillin'

Ann Curry chillin'

Producers need to encourage their talent to stick to the script, less they become future fodder for E!‘s  and VH1‘s popular clip shows.

PJ


Lauri leaves Bravo’s O.C. {The Real Housewives of Orange County}

December 10, 2008
Lauri Waring Peterson is the newest ex-housewife

Lauri Waring Peterson is the newest ex-housewife

Lauri Waring aka,”Mrs. George Peterson,” has left The Real Housewives of Orange County in the middle of the fourth season.  Bravo TV had preempted this episode as “shocking,” but Lauri exited quietly to spend more time with her family.  From the previews, I was expecting Vicki to have a hissy fit and leave the show amid some kind of scandal, but that didn’t happen.

I think Lauri’s reasons for leaving Housewives are similar to Tammy Knickerbocker’s; she and her kids need time to deal with things privately.  She said that she hopes she doesn’t offend anybody by leaving, but why would she?  Lauri has been an easy target of criticism by fans of the show, yet any negative remarks probably stemmed from jealousy.

Vicki, Quinn (a one season housewife) and Lauri at last season's cocktail party

Vicki, Quinn (a one season housewife) and Lauri at last season's cocktail party

Even during the first season Vicki remarked that it is easy to be jealous of Lauri because Lauri is prettier, skinnier, and has bigger boobs.  But Vikki goes on to say, “I’m rooting for her..I just want her to succeed in life.”  At the opening of the first season, Lauri had been working for Vicki’s insurance company for 3 years.  Newly divorced and living outside the gates in a townhouse, Lauri said she didn’t need to work when she was married, but now she had to work to support her family.  We all could see that Lauri wasn’t happy with her change in lifestyle, especially when everyone around her seemed living on easy street.  But I had to give her credit for making the best of her situation, and striving to be a good parent to her less than perfect kids, and many viewers could relate to  Lauri’s day to day adversities.  But when Lari met her soon to be husband, real estate developer, George Peterson, the collective claws came out and Lari was labeled a “gold digger.”

This photo is from "georgeandlauri.com"

This photo is from "georgeandlauri.com"

Lauri’s wedding was beautiful, almost dreamlike in atmosphere, and George remained laid back and in love throughout.   Their married life seemed so serene…I would love to stop over to Georges unpretentiously decorated house for ice tea and prune roses with Lauri before heading out their ranch to ride horses.  I think fans were waiting for change in Lauri, and she has changed a little bit.  On the first episode of this season, while she was eating dinner with George at The St. Regis and calling him “Babe” every other breath, she said that she didn’t want to go to Dubai for their honeymoon because it was “too commercial.”  (Gag)  The titanium credit card (another gift from George) was another vapid moment.

However, Lauri has remained true to herself: honest, humble, strong, beautiful, and in my opinion, the one of the more REAL housewives in  Bravo’s  Housewives series.  I will miss her and I wish her all the best with her family.

PJ


Stephanie wins Top Chef after lackluster finale {Top Chef Chicago}

June 12, 2008

Stephanie wins Top Chef Chicago and becomes the first female Top Chef, but aside from her victory, the rest of the show was BORING! I decided to post this in fancy “Vivaldi” style font because it suits the high brow foodie audience for which the finale was intended. I could not appreciate Stephanie’s daring pecan and olive ingredients that so impressed the judges. The producers keep forgetting that those of us at home can’t taste the food.. I could appreciate, however, that Lisa’s soup caused the renowned guest chefs to “slurp” and ask for seconds. Like I have said before, Lisa did her homework before arriving in Puerto Rico and performed better than she ever did in Chicago. She was uncharacteristically at ease during the finale due to the fact that there wasn’t anyone around to argue with her. If you have ever watched Hell’s Kitchen, you can easily imagine Chef Gordon Ramsey eating Lisa alive (and probably throw up afterwards). Richard’s tanks of exotic gasses didn’t set him apart from the others. As I watched him pour liquid nitrogen into his bacon flavored ice cream, I thought isn’t that the stuff doctor’s use to freeze warts off of people? (ick) I believe Richard’s downfall was that he thought he could pull it all together on the second day, but surprise—no sous chefs! They bring back the old format for the finale: 2 finalists cooking head to head with the help of former cast mates. Otherwise,Top Chef should move over to the FOOD network. I hope to see more of Stephanie! Maybe she will write a cookbook or get her own television show. She is a heck of a lot less annoying that Rachael Ray!

PJ


Will Wii Fit get me into the Mii Generation?

May 23, 2008

This morning I checked out the Wii Website, and found an answer to the question I had been looking for:

Why do I need Wii?

Wii is not just a gaming console, it’s a reason to get together with your friends and family and play today’s hottest games. Wii offers legendary Nintendo franchises like Mario, Zelda and Metroid, as well as all new classics like Wii Sports and Wii Play. Create your own Mii character to star in Wii games. Play friends online over Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection or use the Internet Channel to surf the net from your sofa. You can even download classic Nintendo games using the Wii Shop Channel. Take a look around and see why your TV is not complete without Wii.

The people at Wii know that keeping up with technology can be overwhelming; the atmosphere of their website minimalistic, uncluttered, and spa-like (the polar opposite of MySpace). I feel like I’m at IKEA with Feng Shui. The demonstration videos for the Wii Fit remind me of the scene in The Matrix where Morpheus trains Neo to live in the grid. However, Wii is not asking me to live in their world, but to reinvent my world with the Wii brand. Apparently, the future is now.

This change is not new. I remember eating my first TV Dinner in the early 70’s (a ready made dinner in an aluminum tray that was shaped like a TV set). Our family moved out of the dining room and into the living room to eat dinner in front of the TV Set. You were supposed to eat TV Dinners on a TV Tray. TV Trays were sold in sets of four and each tray folded out in front of you on a little stand. Thanks in part to the invention of the TV Dinner, I literally grew up in front of television. My grandmother liked to cook big Sunday dinners for us at her house and she never understood why we didn’t enjoy “dinner conversation.” In her day, family members looked forward to the eventing meal to catch up on each others’ lives and share town gossip. I remember my grandfather loved Soul Train and my grandmother had a hard time getting him to turn off the TV and come to dinner. Despite owning a big RCA Television Console, She held on to family dinner by never buying a TV Dinner or a set of TV Trays.

Now the Nintendo Corporation is asking families to leave their individual TV sets and video consoles and congregate together in front of the ole’ Family TV. Their motives are admirable, but do I need a Wii to have “quality family time?” Of course, sitting for hours in front of the TV is not good for you, so the makers of Wii have come up with the Wii Fit, so we all can stay active and remain together. I’m skeptical about the Wii Fit. Take a look at the Wii Fit Promo video vs. the Parody, and you’ll see why.

When I was little, we always had a bunch of neighborhood kids over at our house. Our backyard was small, but we had a sand box, a tree house, and something called a “whirli-gig.” We also shared a driveway with our next door neighbors so we could make a bike track out of chalk and ride around. We also had a kiddie pool which we set up as a bike wash. It seems that in order to have a house that kids want to come to, I need to own a Wii. A nearby park isn’t a gathering place anymore, and that makes me sad. My big Orwellian fear is that the outside world will become so undesirable, that Wii Fit is a necessity. I wonder if by purchasing a Wii, am I giving in to the possibility that I can’t think of anything else to do. Hopefully, there is a balanced middle ground. If I join the Wii/Mii Generation, I want it to be a positive change, and I welcome any of your stories and/or comments.

PJ


Malissa loses cat fight {Groomer Has It}

May 11, 2008

I really want to like Malissa, but on Groomer Has It this week, she made it difficult for me to take her seriously. After telling us that she knows the difference between stuffed animals and real animals, she actually managed to get “bitten” by a stuffed German Sheppard. Later she said she had a “seventh sense,” realizing later that there are only 5 senses. The worst mistake was cutting off a cat’s whiskers after a judge told the groomers specifically “do not scissor the face or cut the whiskers.” That’s actually a mean thing to do because cats use their whiskers to judge distances. So Malissa went home. It was no contest between Malissa and Artist, who ended up at the bottom because he lost confidence when his cat “boo-booed three times; three times it put chocolate truffles on my table.” Mean Kathleen said that Malissa “is an insult to my gender,” but Kathleen is not impressive when it comes to her interpersonal skills (although she won “best in show” this week for cat grooming). Kathleen impressed the judges by knowing her role in the process: “I am her (the cat’s) servant, I am not her friend.” OK, but I wouldn’t claim cat worshiping as a credit to our gender, either.

What’s the difference between grooming a cat vs a dog? According to Jorge, dogs want to please you, but with a cat, “you have to please them…basically, they’re like a woman; you have to tell them what they want to hear, and they’ll work with you.” Jessica, the resident cat groomer, also had a difficult time with her cat. Earlier Jessica had begun to show claws in her personality, prompting Jorge to say, “I would like to put a muzzle on Jessica.”

Last week I wondered what CPR had to do with dog grooming, but this week I learned that a good groomer needs to know basic animal first aid in case of an emergency. The groomers had some pretty funny things to say before the Quick Sniff Challenge (performing 3 different types of first aid on three different dogs–2 stuffed animals and a CPR dog).

Jon: The CPR dog looked kind of like a stuffed-bear-sloth-creature. It needed a brushing.

Will: That CPR dog was crazy looking…I’m not putting my mouth on that thing, no way girlfriend.

Jorge: I had given a little Yorkie CPR and he had the worst breath.

Artist: You can’t be walking around with your scissors in your hand saying ‘I can give a Continental Cut like nobody’s business’…you’ve got to be solid.

Next week: Chow-Chow Challenge


Elizabeth Berkley claims, “So many shows celebrate people who don’t really have anything” {Chelsea Lately}

May 8, 2008

On Chelsea Lately last night, special guest Elizabeth Berkley {Saved by the Bell, Showgirls,CSI Miami} said that the contestants on her show, Step It Up and Dance, “are professionals.” Berkley continued, “What sets the show apart is that people…”

“…have talent…I know, not like American Idol…” Chelsea Handler chimed in with her usual dry wit and sarcasm. Unfortunately, Berkley took the bait and blurted back, “Right, so many shows celebrate people who don’t have anything.” I’m not sure how Handler kept a straight face when she replied, “People who don’t really have…Hello?”

But talent is not what Reality TV is all about; if it was, Berkley would probably not have been selected to host Step It Up and Dance. Although Elizabeth Berkley has a few acting awards to her credit, she’s a new Bravo TV host mainly because of her infamous performance in Showgirls, for which she won a couple of “Razzies.” Realty TV is not about talent, it’s about finding talent. Reality TV is about people with potential fighting their way for a chance at more than 15 minutes of fame. I don’t watch Step It Up and Dance, but I saw a preview for the next episode. One of the professional dancers gets injured while trying to dance suspended in a cage ball. Then the judges tell them they’re all up for elimination. Will this be the first time an entire cast goes home at the same time? I won’t lose any sleep over the outcome. Berkley shouldn’t worry either; she’s got a supporting role in CSI Miami, a show that will be around a lot longer than Step It Up and Dance.

PJ

Left: Elizabeth Berkley with David Caruso on CSI Miami


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